I’ve been playing video games my entire life, so I’ve encountered a large variety of franchises. While not every game or series is perfect, there are some that have become a large part of my gaming identity. In this series of posts, I’d like to discuss my experience delving into the games and series that have greatly impacted my life, starting with the most recent one that’s come to capture my gaming heart – Shin Megami Tensei.
What’s funny about how I got into the Shin Megami Tensei series is that I didn’t start with the games the series is best known for, which are mainly comprised of JRPGs. It started with the very deep cut spin-off game called Catherine, a puzzle game that is about a man cheating on his girlfriend Katherine with a woman named Catherine. Looking back on the game now, I’ve come to realize how deeply Shin Megami Tensei runs through the blood of Catherine.
Aesthetically, playing Catherine was like playing a slice-of-life anime, except I was dictating the outcome of the story, of which there were eight possible endings. The variety of endings was common in Shin Megami Tensei games and Catherine was no exception. The game itself was a challenge to take on with it’s puzzle block climbing puzzles, challenging a teenage Malykris to his limits. I mastered techniques, constantly tried to find different ways to reach the top of the falling tower, and would revel in the success of surviving the nightmare the main character Vincent had gone through.
Returning to the Stray Sheep, the bar Vincent visits every night, was just the respite I needed before entering another nightmare. There was this calming feeling about taking the time to talk to both friends and patrons of the bar, listening to their problems, and helping them come to their own conclusions on how to live their life better. All of this was done to the sounds of smooth jazz, unlike the somewhat stressful orchestrated music of the nightmare sections.
I remember how much of a struggle it was to make it to the end. When I first finished the game, it was four in the morning and there was this feeling of relief. It was an experience that made me wonder if this is how Vincent felt after managing to survive the onslaught of a god.
In the nightmares, Vincent is asked questions about life, which mainly pertained to romantic life. While I was a terribly hopeless romantic at the time (and a bit now, admittedly), I never had a game ask me these definitive questions before. Whether I’d cheat if I could get away with it or whether I believe marriage was the end of life, it was all a new experience to me.
In Shin Megami Tensei games, the player is constantly brought to choose between law or chaos, peace or freedom. Catherine, in its own way, presented these ideas in the form of the women you choose, with the neutral option having you choose neither woman. These concepts help shape the endings of the game, showing where my choices had led me and allowed me to reflect on whether or not I was okay with the ending I got. At the time, I was quite satisfied with the ending I got as I felt more inclined to be faithful to who I was with, which would be Catherine’s version of the law endings. That satisfaction I felt was a reflection of how I was so focused on romance and how much I wanted to be a good partner to someone, despite not having anyone to be romantic with.
In the grand scale of things, Catherine was my first taste of what’s to come. I look back fondly on my time spent with the game. From mastering the Inazuma technique to playing Rapunzel, from trying to balance Vincent’s love life to leading him towards a brighter future, I enjoyed the experience this game brought me and I wish I could do it all over again without a memory of it. From time to time, I will play the song that plays in the Stray Sheep named “Also Sprach Brooks”, to sit in the calmness of the moment, especially after a long day of work.
On a final note, I’d like to briefly describe a small philosophy I have about games. The experience of a game can leave quite an impact on a person. When a game leaves such an impact, be it big or small, an exchange occurs between the player and the game. What the player takes is the experience of playing the game, having been changed by the journey they had completed. In exchange, the player leaves a piece of themselves in the game, which is who they were when they started the game.
The reason I wanted to touch upon this philosophy is because I want to share with you what I took from each game I’ve played. I think with every game that’s left an impact on me, there’s a metaphorical room that holds representations of what I’ve taken from every game. So with every game I talk about that’s had an impact on me, I will indicate an item that represents the piece of the game I took with me and have placed inside my room.
For Catherine, despite the fact I do not drink alcohol, I took with me a small glass of whisky with ice in it. Whenever I imagine myself holding that glass, it makes me think of the Stray Sheep and sitting at peace. I then think about Vincent’s last words in the true freedom ending of the game, which hits harder for me as I grow older.
“Why live a life without doing what you want? That’s just a recipe for a life of misery…”
– Vincent Brooks